I pray that 2022 finds you strong and in good spirits and your motivation to stay close to God remains firm. Here at Men of Hope, it has been relatively quiet although I do have permission to report on a couple of unexpected falls from one of our Fellowship members. I will also be taking this opportunity to highlight the benefits of using an electronic diary to manage your week.
But firstly, I have been sent a YouTube link by Father Brucciani relating to a discussion held on ‘Pints With Aquinas’. It relates to the story of Billie Eilish and her battle against pornography – nobody is immune!
Why I use an electronic planner / diary?
I know that many of the Self help Unit recommendations appear boring and extremely ‘unhelpful’. I also know, from your feedback, that one of the least favorites is the daily diary / planner. Instead of trying to justify why you should use it I will simply demonstrate ‘how’ and ‘why’ I use it AND why I make it work for me…
Pornography addiction destroys my motivation to do anything else. I lose all creativity and all ability to plan beyond my next fit of despair. I find that I am unable to see out of the darkness surrounding me. The last thing I can imagine is returning to ‘the light’. Hobbies and distractions have no appeal and all I really want is to return to the false pleasure derived from sexual temptation.
It was only through working with a life coach and several therapists that I recognised my first true problem was appalling self-esteem and self-management. I was told repeatedly that regardless of where I was in my battle against pornography I must endeavour to become addicted to forming ‘safe’ meaningful habits. It took many sessions and failures before I finally worked out that ‘busy hands’ and ‘busy minds’ truly was the first step to success.
The place that I was made to start was using a daily planner. It became my first safe meaningful habit and I was asked about it in every session. Failures and successes were measured by how ‘safely’ I used my time and how well I completed the hourly entries. No matter how many times i told myself it was a waste of time – my successes proved otherwise. It took me well over 18 months to learn this lesson but now, my diary/planner is the backbone of my day and it still helps me avoid sin.
I have enclosed my planner entries for 2nd Jan 22. Take special note of the diversity of my ‘Go To’ activities.
The planner works best for me because of the amout of time I have spent building up varied and interesting ‘Go To’ activities. At the moment my most effective activity when tempted is Duolingo. I can open up the app on my phone wherever I am and learn French. I’m not a natural but it is fun and it is healthy.
I also persist at swimming three times/week. Physical activity is a definite requirement for healthy self-management. When I am employed then I just block out that time. Last year I had a lot more spare time which I allotted to Novena’s and the ‘Daily Office’. This is something I will need to build back into my schedule when I have more free time later this year.
I would love to stop filling this in but I know where that leads me…eventually!
Something to watch out for...
One of our longest serving members had a rough Christmas break and needs prayers. I have been supporting him but due to the nature of the fall he is finding it hard to persevere. In essence, a positive lateral flow test meant he was unable to join family. It was unexpected and very depressing and during his enforced isolation he stumbled across an old laptop in his loft.
This laptop was not registered on his accountability app and allowed the opportunity to access pornography without risk of discovery. On the last occasion we spoke he had just gone through a 72 hour binge and could see no way back. He had been ‘clean’ for over 8 months…
Fellowship – Please carry out a thorough and honest inventory of your internet enabled devices. If you use accountability to help keep you safe then make sure you have nothing that allows you to bypass this system!!
Yours in Jesus, Mary & Joseph,
SA James
