The flame my flicker of hope

It is strange what inspirations come to us when we make the effort to attend Mass – as we should always do of course.  I was staring at our Lord on the crucifix trying to believe that I was worthy of His love when I became distracted by the flickering of the candle on the altar.  Looking at it I was struck with the thought that the flame is so much like us – or me in this instance.  In a State of Grace and conformity with God’s will my soul will look like that flame.  The flame does not represent how I looked yesterday or two weeks ago or even 2 years ago.  It shows my soul as it is now.  More importantly, this flame will look the same to God as anybody else who is in a State of Grace.
That was an important revelation because I know I spend too much time comparing myself to the ‘mythical’ image I have of ‘my neighbour’.   Treating God as if He is an ordinary man, I make irrational assumptions that He monitors us and can see that my history of sin means I have less virtue than another.  In short, an easy means for me to justify feeling inferior because of my habitual sins and failures.  Perhaps an easier way to feel ‘better’ about continuing to fall to temptations…
This is absolute rot.
I do know that God is beyond my comprehension and therefore it is wrong to assign humanistic judgements too Him.  God will see me like a flame. I’m either lit…or I’m not.  If I’m not, He will always seek to send a match my way…a little gift of Grace that only requires me to accept it.  So make sure you keep your eyes open  🙂
I use this analogy because it relates directly to my issues with failure and pride.  I am realising that whilst I waste time living with my past sins I am unable to appreciate or believe in the beauty and strength of my flame – when it is lit.  I must let go of the past and think nothing more of the difficulties I ‘might’ face in the future.  Let God take care of tomorrow – it may never come for me.   So what a waste it would be to worry anxiously about temptations that have not yet happened and may never happen.  Living for this moment in conformity with God’s Will is the only practical means to salvation.
My guardian angel
October is the month of Angels.  I was reminded very recently of the importance of my Guardian Angel and whether or not I acknowledged his presence. Whether I thanked him or prayed to him or asked for his advice.  It was clear that I did not.  A hard truth to accept is that God gave me a cross that many cannot see.  It is the most difficult thing I have had to live with and I have spent most of my years resenting God for it.  In all of this resentment I have never really accepted that God in His wisdom knows what is best and knows exactly what is good for me.
He gave me this cross and all He asks is that I embrace it with the trust that I believe it is what He wants of me today.  This cross is my path to sanctity.  He gave it to me so I must believe that it is within my capability to bear it.  He is merciful and loving and to demonstrate this he even gave us our own Guardian Angels to help bear our load.  Use ALL of the gifts He gives us and stop relying on yourself as judge and jury!
We must trust and we must believe…perhaps then the cross will bear real fruit in our lives.
Yours in Jesus, Mary & Joseph
SA James

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