Day 1 – Accountability

So hopefully you too have completed Day 1 of the Challenge and are now considering what to do next?

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My Conclusion:

I found the information interesting and very detailed. I opened all of the links and made sure I understood exactly how the software works.  I also looked at an accountability report  to understand how my searches would be ‘red flagged’.  There is no doubt that this system , if properly used, would help me identify and overcome my addictive online  behaviours.

This approach would suit someone who is willing to work through their addiction in an honest and methodical way.  After each report an online meeting could take place to discuss any good / bad issues.  This could run well alongside the Self Help Units.  It would allow you to quickly identify patterns that may assist you in changing your impurity cycle.

Honesty, integrity and trust would be crucial for success.

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As mentioned in previous posts I do not act as an agent in any way for Covenant Eyes.  I do not get paid for my recommendations and as such feel able to present my opinions as they arise.  Day I is all about accountability to keep you safe on the internet.  I will stress that the approach they adopt is sound and in many cases should work.  However, I know it did not work for me because…I was not honest with myself or others!!

I am/was devious when under the thrall of Sexual Addiction.  I also quickly worked out that when I needed my sexual fix I had no difficulty settling for ‘second best’.  You Tube, Daily Motion or VIMEO all provide social media platforms that allow access to material suitable for any particular sexual need.  So all I did was search innocent key words (Outfit of the Day, etc) and let my imagination and eyes do the rest.  My designated accountability partner was unaware of all of the ways I could ‘trigger’ my addiction on the net and therefore the effectiveness of the system was reduced.  Sure, I could not access traditional hardcore sites but I was very surprised how many ‘innocent’ sounding sites gave me what I needed!

The accountability partner can only help based on the information you provide.  If your search terms do not use expected sexual language then it is more likely your partner will not flag up the offending sites on his report.  It takes time to sift through this information…

Finally, I discovered that the desire to feed my lust overcame my shame at being ‘caught out’ by my accountability partner.  My partner grew tired of trying to help and suggested I find other ways to waste the money I had spent on accountability.  Remember, pornography is a drug so don’t be surprised when you act like an addict.

In the end I needed something important to make me ‘take responsibility’ and actively avoid searching online.  The possible loss of my family was enough and only having access to the family computer made it pretty hard for me to hide my search activities.  Especially when my wife checked to see if any online history had been deleted…

However – if you do wish to use accountability and cannot find a partner then I am willing to do this for you.  To be effective you will need to discuss in detail all of your triggers that may be ‘searchable terms’ online.  Please read the self help unit ‘Surviving the Siege’ to better understand what will be required of you.

Ultimately, you have to find the will power to overcome the sexual urges – no amount of filters or accountability will do that for you.  So thinking back to what you have heard in the Day 1 challenge you must be honest with yourself. Ask – how many times you have deliberately lied or fallen into deceptions to cover you online activity.  If an online filter has failed to curb your addiction then it is unlikely that an accountability system will succeed in its place.

I would THINK HARD before committing any money.

Well done on completing Day 1 and I look forward to telling you how I get on tomorrow.  Oh and I hope you are still doing the Impurity Novena.

Yours in Jesus, Mary & Joseph

SA James