Cold Turkey or Bust!

Cold Turkey or Bust!

Having been an unrepentant addict for nearly thirty years, I feel adequately qualified to make the following statement:

“Unlike any other drug, pornography must be tackled head on. You cannot overcome it in stages, you cannot seek assistance through medication and you cannot do it without God.”

I didn’t start my battle until God made it clear I had no other choice.  I call it my Waterloo moment.  I defy any true sexual addict to admit to making the decision to quit without the intervention of a ‘life changing event’.  That event may come in a variety of ways but it shares a single common theme – LOSS.  Some lose their jobs, some lose their family and some even lose their freedom.  Occasionally, some lose…everything. That is the ‘Waterloo’ moment that most of us have to face eventually.

When agreeing to start this fellowship I was acutely aware of my own precarious position.  I am like an alcoholic – one drink and I fall.  Unlike the alcoholic, however, nobody will notice that I have fallen.  I won’t stink of booze, I won’t have drinker’s breath and I most certainly won’t have to hide a stack of bottles.  I just have to make sure to delete my internet history or be careful where I watch ‘stuff’.  In fact, I now recognise that one of the biggest issues I may face is pride.  After all, how can a person who runs this group possibly admit to ‘falling into old ways’?  Hence, it is vital that all members of this fellowship work together and stay in daily contact!

SO…YOU’VE REACHED THE END HAVE YOU?

No amount of information or support from others will stop you looking at pornography.  No amount of text messages or crypt chat meetings will stop you lying to yourself or others.  You are at the point where you must choose between life and death.  This choice is above and beyond any temporal thing – even your family.  If you cannot recognise that God comes first in all that you do – then you will not succeed.  We are not on this earth for any ‘man made’ pleasures.  We are here to show God why we deserve to join him in Heaven…nothing else.

Catholics are in the best position to understand this truth.  We are so very lucky because God gave us the sacrament of Confession.  We are lawfully allowed to start again…and again…and again.  But beware – sexual addicts succumb easily to the sin of ‘presumption’.  I have lost count of the number of times I have sinned on a Monday and then kept on sinning till Saturday, despite numerous heartfelt Acts of Contrition!  Sunday finds me broken, truly repentant and in the queue for Confession…again.  The truth we all refuse to admit however, is that one day, Sunday may not come for us…

I deliberately choose to use bold and frightening statements on this site – but none are lies.  I had a horrific Waterloo and yet, even now, with all this support and knowledge, I can still feel the pull of sexual addiction.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it truly goes away and never think you have defeated it. Only God can decide to lift this particular cross so I strongly suggest you learn to embrace it as Our Lord did His.  Use your anguish and suffering to help others – truly offer it up and be thankful that He loves you enough to allow you such a burden.  This is an opportunity for sanctity!

Saint Augustine didn’t start off with God at the centre of his life.  He understood that God did exist and he knew that Hell was a consequence of sin…but it wasn’t pressing or imminent.  So, what was the hurry to give up a few earthly pleasures?

“Lord, make me chaste! (But not yet!)”

Saint Augustine did not think of sanctity.  In his younger days he was probably a lot like us? He suffered as any normal man does in the world.  His desires were no different than ours – he had the same lustful temptations.

“…I was bound not with the iron of another’s chains, but with my own iron will. The enemy held my will; and of it he made a chain and bound me. Because my will was perverse it changed to lust, and lust yielded to become habit, and habit not resisted became necessity.”

But one day Saint Augustine had his Waterloo – figuratively speaking.  In his Confessions, he writes of a day when his soul was so tormented by his own sin that a mighty storm arose within him, bringing on a flood of tears.  As he cried he could hear the sound of a child’s voice singing in the distance, “Take and read, take and read.”  He immediately picked up the Bible and saw Romans 13:13-14 open in front of him.

“Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”

Augustine writes that as he ended the sentence, “a light of utter confidence shone in my heart, and all the darkness of uncertainty vanished away.”

We all have to listen for that message from God and when it comes, grab it with both hands…it may not come again!  When you are certain that you have reached this point, then I firmly believe Men of Hope can help you with your battle.  Only then will any of the information or support be useful to you. You must find the strength because we cannot give it to you.

I must confess that this article was written as a result of an over powering desire to succumb to temptation.  I am weak and I nearly fell this morning.  I had nobody to call so I fell to my knees and prayed ‘in all humility’ for Our Lady to protect me.  Whilst praying the Rosary I became inspired to write this article.  I hope it inspires you to join us at Men of Hope?

Yours in Jesus, Mary & Joseph
SA James.